Lately though, I've been finding myself extremely consumed with the amount of responsibility I have. MANY of my responsibilities are character building and enjoyable, while others are a drag and just part of being an adult; a responsible adult. Sometimes the extreme challenges that I go through with my responsibilities I honestly don't really want to write somewhere because at times I think I don't want to remember these difficult and trying times, sometimes I think when I'm old, I just want to be in complete denial and remember only the best of times with my family and never remember all the struggles I've dealt with, with schools, work, difficult conversations, battle with overeating, the reality of an unjust world and being a control freak at times.
Seriously. I am so sick and tired of being a responsible adult and be surrounded (my children too) by a group and/or a community where half of the adults are completely irresponsible! I am exhausted from having to point out the most obvious safety efforts that should and need to be in place by such a powerful school district. There are several present and past employees (the past still affect my position a bit) who get/have gotten paid for not even doing their job. Parents of kids at my children's school who are completely uninvolved and do not display an ounce of care about their child's behavior or the community and education within their child's school. This week I heard from a school district employee "well that's not in my pay bracket" when I asked him to give a message to a specific person there in the same office. I JUST ABOUT LOST IT!!! I had to refrain from acting out my thoughts for many reasons, but 1 in particular is that I was in my freaking cubical at work finishing up my lunch break! To the best of my ability at the time I said that there are a lot of things that I do that aren't in my pay bracket...good and bad...but I'm a team player, I get paid and I have good work ethics (as I'm having this conversation at work ;-) ) so I do a lot of things that I don't get paid to do, but that's life. Oh man I was furious!!!!
More and more lately the very harsh reality that we live (and am raising my children in) in a VERY.UNJUST. WORLD. My children's generation is being robbed of important life skills. Self control. Honesty. Work Ethics. Responsible Citizen. Pay Taxes (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)...just to name a few. TRUST ME...MY KIDS ARE NO SAINTS AND THEY NEVER WILL BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! However, they are being raised in an environment that supports, pushes and physically works hard to build the community around them to be safe, team effort, leaders and honesty. At the end of each day, I go to bed knowing that I have given my best, I love my children with every ounce of my heart and soul (and not showing love with donuts, soda, Twinkies and endless amount of TV) and the rest, I hand over to God and ask Him to protect and handle it. :-)
Life is hard. I want so badly for my kids to grow up in a world that is filled with responsible, honest, mature people who own their short comings. Not robots, or people who are perfect, just people who are pro-active, who care and give their very best every.single.day.
My birthday is next month and for the last nearly 4 years, I get really "real" with myself and emotional as my birthday approaches. Not sure why but I do. I feel like all my ranting above just ages me like crazy! I'm certain people in their 80's are looking at my generation and below and they must just shake their heads at us with disappointment.
So that's some of my thoughts and feelings over the last month or so... I'll move on now...
- Looking at a private school for 2 of our 3 boys for next school year
- Looking for more responsibility at work (heck, if I'm gonna be there and away from my kids for 10 hrs/day, keep me busy and let me handle the areas that need more support)
- Starting a new bible study at church...and boy oh boy do I need it! It's about changing yourself through the tools that God has given you. Clearly I need a heart makeover this 5 min! lol
- Baseball season is sooooo close to being done
- Started our family in dog training classes with Perry. David and Perry are doing GREAT! The rest of us are trying so hard but it's not coming as easily as it has been for David.
- Loving my health insurance at work! Total God sent...
- In love with my church and all that it offers to support and help me and my children's relationship with the Lord grow bigger and stronger
- Constantly writing letters and making calls to schools and school district regarding bullying involving Jackson and Nathan (thankfully they're not the bullies)
- Signed another year's lease in our current house
- Recently got a ton of work done on David's car (few minor things left to handle) and we are SO grateful that we actually had money to pay for it all!
- David extremely busy and focused at work
- Fundraiser chair person for Trevor's school, David is the new Treasurer for next year...poor guy...He did not want to do it, but like I said above, no one else in our mighty program stepping up to get involved and be a team player.
- Boys were baptized last Sunday! :-) :-)
- Still struggling with motivation and a routine for working out since I've starting working. IT'S HARD finding a balance!!!
- My skin is breaking out (I have NEVER had to deal with this issue before!). I know my mom will say it's because I'm not taking care of myself...and you know what, she's right! :-/
- Looking for a spiritual based book on raising boys. Trevor is reaching an age and new territory that I think is only specific to boys and I need some major spiritual direction as to how best navigate and direct this age.
- Working on making peace in my heart that the work around this house that is incomplete, that the landlord says semi-regularly they will handle. They will not handle it and so I'm working on making peace with that since we wouldn't move either way.
- We have the BEST NANNY IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING, AMAZING, AMAZING...I hope she's still interested and in the position to help when I have grandkids! No joke!!! :-)
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