"Are you excited"?!

That's the question I get all the time now..."are you excited" (regarding starting work tomorrow)?! I have been honest (never have been good at lying about my feelings. lol) and reply with that "I am excited about the opportunity to put food on the table and a roof over our heads". I'll say this again, I would not be going to work full time if there wasn't such a huge need for me to do so. We've been in "need" before, but this time it's different with now the overall physical health of our family now better, I "need" to contribute to our household income.

I view this opportunity as a huge blessing. God blesses us in many ways. Sometimes things are literally just handed to us, sometimes we're told to "wait" on a prayer request, sometimes it's a flat out "no" because it's not God's will and sometimes, God creates opportunities for us to help ourselves. The latter is still a wonderful blessing and truly a way most Father's would handle a request from their child. I believe the Lord, our heavenly Father, heard my prayer, knew it was the right time for our family and didn't create a money tree in the yard, but created an opportunity to help my family through His gift of this job I start tomorrow.

This week has been filled with tying up loose ends and really start reflecting and processing everything that is about to happen...starting tomorrow. Not that I haven't thought about all these changes, concerns, excitement, etc before, it's just that I have been in hyper focus mode of anticipating potential "issues" or problems that may occur when I start working.

Monday, I took the opportunity to surprise Trevor at school with a picnic lunch on a blanket in front of his school. He loves Costco pizza so I brought him their pizza, churro (my own guilty pleasure!) and a drink. We sat on the blanket talking about baseball, friends at school, his teacher, Tammy (our new Nanny) and about how much we love food! Trevor felt incredibly special and really appreciated my presence at his school. Just as the lunch bell rang, I gave him a BIG hug, I signed him back into class and off we both went in different directions for the next couple of hours. He wasn't physically with me, but boy oh boy was he on my heart and mind for the next couple of hours. I got back into my car and felt convicted to not starting the car, but just sit there in silence, praying to the Lord for Trevor. I prayed for protection, moodiness, fruitful friendships, discernment in our parenting for Trevor, and I prayed for Trevor's future wife.

Tuesday, I took the opportunity to surprise Nathan at his school to read a Dr. Seuss book to the class and then have lunch with him. The book reading went exceptionally well (great audience!) and then we traveled together to the lunch area for some sushi, animal cookies and a vanilla flavored almond milk. Nathan LOVED it all! His classmates do.not.stop.talking. Holy smokes! lol Nathan and I (when we could get a word in with each other), talked about my new job, Tammy, baseball and who in his class were on what set of "rainbow words" (that's the big talk in kinder!). Nathan was so happy to have me there, definitely felt special and wanted me to stay so I could jump rope with him. Sadly, I didn't stay for jump roping, but left to handle more chores at home.

Today...it was Jackson's turn. I took my last opportunity to have lunch with Jackson at school. I brought him his favorite...In-n-Out. Cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate milk shake. MUCH to my surprise, Jackson was very affectionate towards me in front of his friends. Based on that kind of reaction, I knew Jackson needed this time with me. ALL of Jackson's friends were so excited for him that he got such a delicious meal AND that his mom was having lunch with him!!! Since I know Jackson has been the one having the hardest time with the idea of me going back to work, I wanted to bring some awareness to him about other working mothers. I casually asked one of his good friends if her mom worked (I already knew she did/does). Hayden replied yes, and that her dad does too. Then of course, you ask one kid, everyone starts spilling the beans about their home life! lol I don't think this made Jackson feel any better, by any means, but I think it helped him to know that he's not the only kid who has both parents working. The time came when I needed to leave. Jackson was crushed.
:-( He started crying and he practically begged me to take him home with me right then. Trust me. It had crossed my mind too, and it took everything in me not to burst into tears myself! I rounded up some of his friends to hang out with him and then I left. The moment I exited the school gates, I bursted into tears and sat in my car for several minutes and just cried. I needed that.

I am going to miss my kids terribly when I am at work. To help, I remind myself that I am not re-inventing the wheel, moms work all the time outside of their home and more often than not, their kids grow up to be mature, responsible citizens (look at my siblings and I!!!). Kids who have had the blessing of a stay at home parent sometimes grow up to be irresponsible, selfish and "failure to launch" adults...so it's all about making the best of it when I am in the presence of my children. I am re-inventing "our" wheel a.k.a. our home life, however, there is a need and that is the only reason I am taking on a full time job. Trevor this morning asked how long I will be working for FOX. I thought that was a very good question...especially since I ask myself that same question often. I told him however long God wants me there. I told him that we need to pray for Daddy's business (David is a power house and works AMAZINGLY hard to provide for our family!), that it will grow super big and then I can come back home full-time. I told him that might be 6 months, 1 year, 3 years or maybe even 5 years from now. "No way mommy", was Trevor's response! We both started laughing and we prayed for David's business. I shared that God may have me there to teach people about the Lord and introduce them to Jesus. Who knows...

Tomorrow is a new day, a new day filled with many new opportunities and a day filled with many more blessings.