Working Mom Blues

Well today marks the first day of Easter break for my kids. This usually is a cause for huge celebration for our household. This morning was exceptionally odd, depressing and disappointing to be up early, getting dressed for what I hope is success (in "worldly" terms) and leaving with an empty car to travel in traffic on my way to WORK. WOW! THIS.IS.WEIRD. BUT! David checked our bank account and my paycheck posted today. This is why I am up early, getting dressed for what I hope is success and leaving with an empty car to travel in traffic...FOR THE PAYCHECK & HEALTH INSURANCE! Getting paid today couldn't have come at a better time with my emotions all over the place today. :-)

Thankfully, I do enjoy my job, I enjoy the atmosphere I'm in and mass majority of the people I am surrounded by at work are friendly, helpful and also long for the clock on the phones to say 6:00 pm and for the weekends.

Another reason for me to give thanks is that we have a GREAT nanny! She is amazing and besides myself, I couldn't think of another person in LA that I would rather them spend this much free time with. She is great with them! The adoration is mutual amongst them and I truly do not have to worry about them while I am this far away from them. Our childcare circumstances I know are rare and I can only explain and give credit to God for this situation. We are very blessed.

I am also blessed to have Good Friday off from work...paid. It's a Holiday I was in conflict about taking off so soon from a new job, but thankfully I didn't have to make that choice. It was already in God's plan for me. It's also a day I do get to spend home with the kids and I can just soak them up for 3 whole days celebrating my favorite religious Holidays.

Even though these next several days will be a selfish bummer, I am aware and will focus on some pretty good reasons to be happy that I am working and learning another way to "get over it", "build a bridge", "pull up my big girl pants" and move on...

OUTSTANDING NEWS!!!

God is SO great! I was given a break today...and throughout this next year too! Just found out this morning that Nathan was selected through random lottery for a spot in the Fall Kindergarten class at Valley Alternative Magnet school...current school of his big brother, Jackson. I am so pleased and relieved to FINALLY have 2 kids at the same school! This has never happened for our family before now (actually as of August 15th when school resumes).

Nathan is desparate to go to 1st grade next year, but David and I strongly feel that he needs another year in Kinder for social and emotional reasons. So this will be bitter-sweet for Nathan...THRILLING for Jackson!

My conversation with Jackson last night about his day at school

Jackson: Mommy, Heather wasn't at school today (Heather is his teacher) so we had to go to another teacher's class.
Me: Really? Why no sub?
Jackson: Well, I don't know. Maybe the subs weren't in the mood this morning.
Me: Well too bad.
Jackson: So anyway mommy, I went to a 3rd grade class and had to be quiet the whole time and just read or do our homework for the week.
Me: OK.
Jackson: But, it was really cool watching what they were learning. They were learning about contractions!!!
Me: CONTRACTIONS?! Wait, do you mean fractions???
Jackson: Oh ya, ya...fractions...
Me: Oh thank God!

*Side Note: Already called the school about this no sub thing and it's all good. Jackson's story was half accurate, and the other half, it's all about showing some grace and understanding at times.

Just Another Manic Monday

I believe I've used this title before, but the sentiments still ring true, so I'll use it again.

Our weeks have been fairly uneventful, which is a good thing in most ways. Our weekends are filled with items on our To-Do list and it's always my goal to check off as many tasks as possible by Sunday afternoon so I can rest and be lazy by Sunday evening. That has yet to happen. Even up to the eleven hour (which reminds me of the very last few Bible verses in Revelation 22 referencing the eleven hour)...literally...I was up last night completing my tasks.

At last, everything was just about complete!

David has been juggling work and the kids quite a bit since I went to a 9-5 gig (more like 6:45 am - 7pm).

Trevor has been dealing with social issues at school. Thankfully, at this time, he has not been at the head of the issues. :-) Always a PLUS! This has been another great opportunity for me to speak with Trevor about forgiveness, grace, characteristics of a good friend and learning how to pray for our friends.

Jackson lost a tooth about 10 days ago and is convinced the Tooth Fairy didn't come the 1st night because his tooth wasn't the cleanest it could have been so she came the 2nd night because he spent a good amount of time the next morning cleaning that one tooth! HILARIOUS! Jackson's social abilities continue to shock David and I. This kid is WAY beyond his years in the social aspect and it's funny and scary all at the same and different times!

Nathan, Nathan, Nathan...Soon I will writing an entire post just on this kid...seriously! I/we are in such a pickle. Nathan is INCREDIBLY SMART and his teacher thinks he's gifted (I happen to agree)...BUT...he's SO young to be taking on the challenges that come with being a 1st grader in August and that's where his Kinder teacher strongly feels he needs to be. In the meantime, I just keep prayer for direction and insight on what's best for this little guy.

Me! Well, I am set up for success to exercise today during my lunch break. This will be the 1st time in 1 month that I have put on my running shoes and have broken a sweat because I'm actually exercising. My body has been feeling like crud for the last several weeks and this water weight that I've been dealing with is so uncomfortable. I know a good run will definitely help me to feel better. I think I've gotten over what I may look like in the afternoons at work after a good run...only time will tell! lol

Experiencing Empathy on a Whole New Level

em·pa·thy

noun \ˈem-pə-thē\

Definition of EMPATHY

 

: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

 

I must confess...

 

As a teenager and young adult, I rarely could empathize with someone because I was so consumed with myself...and since I'm confessing...I must admit I still am that way at times. It's human nature, but certainly still not OK.

 

After hearing many harsh opinions about my selfish ways when I was younger, I began praying about it. Desiring empathy so I could counsel, support and relate better to those around me who were going through challenging times. I have never told anyone about this prayer. I stopped praying this a while ago, because in the last 10 years, this prayer has greatly been answered!

 

Now that I am in the workforce full-time, there are so many more ways that I can and do empathize with those around me. For example...

 

1. I can empathize with those who struggle with weight loss and are tempted at work on an hourly basis with Girl Scout cookies, cafe's in short walking distance...and actually having an entire hour to EAT in the middle of the day and zero time or energy to workout!
2. I can empathize with all those drivers just trucking along to put in or end another work day...good or challenging.
3. I can empathize with how my children feel on the first day of school, or a new Sunday School class, or at a birthday party that they only know the guest of honor. I too am the "new" person in a great big corporate world now and not knowing anyone really feels weird.
4. I can empathize with those parents who work so freaking hard to provide, and yet they feel completely disconnected from their child's life because they don't get to see them often throughout the week or participate in outdoor activities.
5. I can empathize with those parents who come home with their head still reeling from the events of their day at work...good or challenging.
6. I can empathize with those shoppers who are stuck in long check out lines because they have to wait til the weekend to stock up their cupboards and fridge with food for the week.

My list could go on...

BUT...with empathy, comes compassion. I now have a whole new perspective and knowledge on how, what and why working parents (particularly moms) feel the way that they do, day in and day out.

I have had as smooth as a transition to work full-time that any original stay-at-home mom could have. My husband is absolutely amazing and has stepped up the plate (challenge) big time and our Nanny is out of this world! By no means am I complaining by my examples of my recent empathy. I think the Lord has blessed me with an opportunity to be less judgemental (we all do it...admit it!) of those parents who work as hard or as much as they do.

I enjoy my job, I enjoy my morning drives where I can listen to past church sermons from my Pastor, I enjoy meeting new people and I enjoy a new challenge.

"Time is just marching across my face"!

Now that I need to dress professionally M-F, I also wear a bunch of makeup. I thought the idea of makeup was to help you look youthful, brighten up your face, clearer complexion, etc. Ya ummm, in the mornings, my face looks like those things I described, but by mid-day, the makeup has settled into the lines (aka "wrinkles") of my face...and...then I look OLD! This has been quite the depressing discovery. Now I don't feel like I'm looking trendy, cute or hot...now it looks like I'm one of those old ladies that have globs of makeup on because they're trying too hard to look youthful. BUMMER! lol

So now I think it's time I start spending a little more time looking for a good anti-wrinkle cream and a little less time looking for that perfect shade of pink lipstick! ;-)

On the other hand, Jackson, my precious Jackson, has paid me SO MANY compliments since I started dressing up and wearing make-up. He says I look very pretty everyday I work and I look pretty in "real life" too. "Real life" is apparently the weekends when I do not have makeup on! lol

Jitters On the First Day

I started off VERY nervous but was met with a whole lot of on the job training...well, not so much training, but more like a sink or swim scenario with a few tasks. I swam! God's grace was totally shielding me today. I had 1 moment of feeling overwhelmed but it was quickly side swiped with something else that I had no time to process my feeling of being overwhelmed. lol

There are a lot of nice, helpful and strong personalities throughout my department, which makes a whole lot more sense about me being hired based on my personality. lol Having thick skin should be listed as a job requirement. Again, everyone is nice, but there is no water cooler talk...there just isn't any time. I don't think this is just my perception, I literally saw people working non-stop (other than lunch breaks). The assistant that is "training" me is VERY nice and I can tell we will get along really well.

I was surprised by a lovely delivery today. David sent me a BEAUTIFUL flower arrangement that smells amazing and the bright colored flowers really added a much needed touch to my drab cubical.
:-/ I have got to work on making my little space a lot more welcoming. :-)

When I pulled into the garage I rushed out of my car (actually ran) into the house to kiss all over my boys! I received the warmest home coming ever! I was climbed on, hugged, kissed, and questions about my day were coming at me like a firing squad. I LOVE MY BOYS!!! Perry even greeted me as though I had just brought in a bag of treats for him or something...he was so excited! lol

The boys did great. Tammy did great. Jackson kept requesting hugs from Tammy, Trevor was extremely helpful and Nathan fussed about something...I can't recall at this very moment. ;-) David was a rock star and came home (1 hr before me) and put on his Mr. Mom cap and took over dinner (Tammy was starting the process) and had a GREAT attitude about running the house for a bit.

What a wonderful first day of work/new nanny/new role for David! I am blessed!

Fave Quote:

Trevor (while hugging me at the door): Mommy! How much money did you make today?!
Me: Ummm...well...
David: Hundreds, Mommy made hundreds of dollars today
Trevor, Jackson, Nathan: YEA MOMMY!!!
(Only if that were true...but pretty cool feeling like a hero for moment! lol)

"Are you excited"?!

That's the question I get all the time now..."are you excited" (regarding starting work tomorrow)?! I have been honest (never have been good at lying about my feelings. lol) and reply with that "I am excited about the opportunity to put food on the table and a roof over our heads". I'll say this again, I would not be going to work full time if there wasn't such a huge need for me to do so. We've been in "need" before, but this time it's different with now the overall physical health of our family now better, I "need" to contribute to our household income.

I view this opportunity as a huge blessing. God blesses us in many ways. Sometimes things are literally just handed to us, sometimes we're told to "wait" on a prayer request, sometimes it's a flat out "no" because it's not God's will and sometimes, God creates opportunities for us to help ourselves. The latter is still a wonderful blessing and truly a way most Father's would handle a request from their child. I believe the Lord, our heavenly Father, heard my prayer, knew it was the right time for our family and didn't create a money tree in the yard, but created an opportunity to help my family through His gift of this job I start tomorrow.

This week has been filled with tying up loose ends and really start reflecting and processing everything that is about to happen...starting tomorrow. Not that I haven't thought about all these changes, concerns, excitement, etc before, it's just that I have been in hyper focus mode of anticipating potential "issues" or problems that may occur when I start working.

Monday, I took the opportunity to surprise Trevor at school with a picnic lunch on a blanket in front of his school. He loves Costco pizza so I brought him their pizza, churro (my own guilty pleasure!) and a drink. We sat on the blanket talking about baseball, friends at school, his teacher, Tammy (our new Nanny) and about how much we love food! Trevor felt incredibly special and really appreciated my presence at his school. Just as the lunch bell rang, I gave him a BIG hug, I signed him back into class and off we both went in different directions for the next couple of hours. He wasn't physically with me, but boy oh boy was he on my heart and mind for the next couple of hours. I got back into my car and felt convicted to not starting the car, but just sit there in silence, praying to the Lord for Trevor. I prayed for protection, moodiness, fruitful friendships, discernment in our parenting for Trevor, and I prayed for Trevor's future wife.

Tuesday, I took the opportunity to surprise Nathan at his school to read a Dr. Seuss book to the class and then have lunch with him. The book reading went exceptionally well (great audience!) and then we traveled together to the lunch area for some sushi, animal cookies and a vanilla flavored almond milk. Nathan LOVED it all! His classmates do.not.stop.talking. Holy smokes! lol Nathan and I (when we could get a word in with each other), talked about my new job, Tammy, baseball and who in his class were on what set of "rainbow words" (that's the big talk in kinder!). Nathan was so happy to have me there, definitely felt special and wanted me to stay so I could jump rope with him. Sadly, I didn't stay for jump roping, but left to handle more chores at home.

Today...it was Jackson's turn. I took my last opportunity to have lunch with Jackson at school. I brought him his favorite...In-n-Out. Cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate milk shake. MUCH to my surprise, Jackson was very affectionate towards me in front of his friends. Based on that kind of reaction, I knew Jackson needed this time with me. ALL of Jackson's friends were so excited for him that he got such a delicious meal AND that his mom was having lunch with him!!! Since I know Jackson has been the one having the hardest time with the idea of me going back to work, I wanted to bring some awareness to him about other working mothers. I casually asked one of his good friends if her mom worked (I already knew she did/does). Hayden replied yes, and that her dad does too. Then of course, you ask one kid, everyone starts spilling the beans about their home life! lol I don't think this made Jackson feel any better, by any means, but I think it helped him to know that he's not the only kid who has both parents working. The time came when I needed to leave. Jackson was crushed.
:-( He started crying and he practically begged me to take him home with me right then. Trust me. It had crossed my mind too, and it took everything in me not to burst into tears myself! I rounded up some of his friends to hang out with him and then I left. The moment I exited the school gates, I bursted into tears and sat in my car for several minutes and just cried. I needed that.

I am going to miss my kids terribly when I am at work. To help, I remind myself that I am not re-inventing the wheel, moms work all the time outside of their home and more often than not, their kids grow up to be mature, responsible citizens (look at my siblings and I!!!). Kids who have had the blessing of a stay at home parent sometimes grow up to be irresponsible, selfish and "failure to launch" adults...so it's all about making the best of it when I am in the presence of my children. I am re-inventing "our" wheel a.k.a. our home life, however, there is a need and that is the only reason I am taking on a full time job. Trevor this morning asked how long I will be working for FOX. I thought that was a very good question...especially since I ask myself that same question often. I told him however long God wants me there. I told him that we need to pray for Daddy's business (David is a power house and works AMAZINGLY hard to provide for our family!), that it will grow super big and then I can come back home full-time. I told him that might be 6 months, 1 year, 3 years or maybe even 5 years from now. "No way mommy", was Trevor's response! We both started laughing and we prayed for David's business. I shared that God may have me there to teach people about the Lord and introduce them to Jesus. Who knows...

Tomorrow is a new day, a new day filled with many new opportunities and a day filled with many more blessings.